On a blog like this, it is important every now and then to advocate the importance of a healthy sexuality. Although I write about the pleasures of sex and varieties of those pleasures, as well as the beauty of the human form and even good erotica, it must always be remembered that sex and sexual pursuits can become destructive if not channeled in the proper way. Too often the negative aspects of sex dominate the media, or even our own personal lives, usually to the detriment of a true enjoyment of the beauties of sexual pleasures and human relationships.

What is healthy sexuality? I don’t have any definitive answers, simply a few general observations.

First of all, physical health is always important. Do not do anything physically that is contrary to what feels comfortable to you. Often we try things our of curiosity and find we don’t like them, that is fine; but do not persist in behaviors or actions that you find uncomfortable. For instance, bondage and discipline can be fun, but under the wrong circumstances they can also be harmful. It is important that both people are full and willing participants in such things. It does not work if one of the people does not really want participate. And of course always be safe and aware of STDs. Practice safe sex, always.

Second, psychological health is equally as important. Again, don’t do anything you feel uncomfortable about, or which you have continued regrets. If you believe in monogamy, practice monogamy; if you want marriage and children, by all means pursue that; if being single is what makes you happy, pursue that; if having sex with multiple people is what you enjoy, then enjoy that. But always do what is natural and true to your own heart. Don’t let others coerce you into living a life you do not want to live. Although monogamy tends to be the norm, there are many types of sexual personalities, and different things that different people desire or pursue throughout the course of their lives. Find what is good for you, and you most likely find sexual contentment.

Third, always be aware of moral and legal issues. Really, as much as I might be an advocate for sexual freedom, there are certain things that are simply wrong, even disgusting. Child pornography is one of them and without a doubt the most egregious. Recently there has been quite a bit in the news about vast operations of online trading in child porn, the stings and arrests made as a result, and the stories of this stuff are usually pretty hideous. It is just plain wrong, destructive and even evil. Having sex with minors is another. Just stay away from that sort of thing. Prostitution is a greyer area, although in all states (except for Nevada) it is still illegal, and people really should respect the laws of their states, if nothing else than for their own good. Really, is it worth getting busted simply because you are in need of sex with someone? Or even just wasting your money? Perhaps someday the laws will change, but for now soliciting a prostitute is done at one’s own risk and peril. Also, there is the real problem of human trafficking with prostitution, and having sex with someone who is being forced into that situation, as many women are, is always wrong and destructive, especially for the woman involved. People and sex should not be used that way. I like beautiful things, and there is just something a little bit (or a lot) ugly about prostitution as it is currently practiced in our society.

The use of the internet has made access to these things easier than ever before; it has in many ways fundamentally changed the nature of sexuality and relationships. Just think of the explosion of online dating, or the use of Backpage for prostitution. Like all things, there are good and bad aspects of all this. We need to be careful. Like everything else, the internet can become a dangerous and addictive tool for self destruction.

These are just a few of my own thoughts and observations, not meant to be all conclusive but simply a response to the things in the world that I notice from time to time. In the end, the beauties of sex and sexual pleasures shared by two (or more!) consenting adults is a wonderful thing. This is something we all need and should enjoy, and we all need to do so in the ways that best fit our personalities, desires and expectations out of life. Well done porn and erotica can also be enjoyed as part of a sexual life, even in relationships. A lot of couples enjoy this. Pursuing underground and risque worlds such as BDSM is another thing many couples enjoy; if not that, then simply a firm spanking every now and then is a fun type of erotic play.

Whatever it is find, discover what you like, enjoy it, but also be careful and mindful of the world around you at the same time, as well as your own desires and limitation. As the old Greek adage goes, know thyself.