Women recently have show how much they love the idea of sexual dominance and submission. Apparently a fiction book is the buzz among the girlie book clubs: Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James, a British authoress: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/10/business/media/an-erotic-novel-50-shades-of-grey-goes-viral-with-women.htmlt. It is about a powerful man who grooms an innocent, naive young woman into the world of dominance and submission. As the Times article shows, the suburban women of America can’t get enough of it.
Sexual dominance and submission is an art, an art of sex. In many ways, good sex in general is sort of like an art: being a good lover takes practice, experience and natural ability. This is also one the things I enjoy about dominance, which is, as it were, a sort of specialty in the art of love. It takes skill. You must understand how the female psyche works, and also how the female body works. You must understand what most women truly want, what turns them on, what creates the infamous gina tingle. Women respond to a certain degree of power, even violent power, and cool calm, absolute control in a man. If they know he will lead them to a place they have never been, and bring them much pleasure, most women will gladly submit to the power of the dom.
Like all art, the art of dominance is something that is learned through practice. In the course of learning this, you will make mistakes. Things will not always work. But with experience you will learn more and more, and gain the skills most needed to be a good lover. Some have a natural talent for this, so the learning needed is less; others must make an effort to learn more, but they can be successful. However, all who want to master the art of dominance must have some natural affinity for the role of master and slave. You must enjoy being the strong, powerful member of the relationship. You must not fear. You must trust your instincts and desires. You must be somewhat of an asshole, while tempering that with love and affection at the right times. You must not be hesitant to inflict the proper discipline on a woman when you deem it necessary. A woman will respond to this, if she is open to such a relationship, and most women are.
The art of dominance suits a man who is a bit older, more experienced, with some sort of accomplishment in life. This only increases his powerfulness in the eyes of the woman. Power and accomplishment can come in many forms: money, business or political success, military, athletic or artistic accomplishment. But the man has to have accomplished something. Being an accountant is usually not a good starting point for the role of the dom. Alpha men create, they make, they desire to do something substantial, even great, with their lives. They want to be remembered by posterity. Their drive for dominance is great, dominance in the world around them as much as dominance of their women. As opposed to the alpha, most men never achieve or really even desire this, and end up as the beta providers for their wives. Of course this is a necessary function in society. It does bring most men contentment. After all, the world needs to go on, and raising children is the foundation for all this. This requires families, and men who provide the stability for women to raise their children, even if some of those children were secretly sired by the alpha lovers of their devoted but bored wives (as many as 10-15 % of children are, according the the CDC).
The great makers in society tend not to be good family men. This is true throughout most of history. Usually great men are more in love with their work, their ambitions, their desire to achieve some sort of status, than they are with their wives or children. They want to fuck as many women as possible, but they do not want to be domesticated. But the women should not despair: these men are only a small fraction of society, no more than 5-10%. The rest of the world follows their lead, in whatever sphere they are engaged. Most women will not end up with an alpha man, except as a lover, which is what most alpas want anyways. Being tied down to one woman, in one place, with one basic structure in life, is too sexually, creatively and intellectually stifling for most alphas. They flee in horror from such absolute domestication.
But back to dominance, and how women love this. Although the novel Fifty Shades of Grey is fiction (and apparently very poorly written), its mass appeal among women shows that this is more than simply fantasy for them. I think one of the reasons women have responded so to this book is because they surrounded by so many neutered, beta males. The idea of a strong, dominant man is for the most part a fantasy. It really always has been. In reality, most husbands are whipped by their wives, and their wives have a certain degree of contempt for them because of this. As most suburban women lead their boring, humdrum lives, the allusive alpha dom lurks in the darker recesses of their mind as a potential, if impossible object of desire. They crave to submit to such power, but do not find it in the world around them. So, as in all fantasies, women escape into an imaginary world where they can exercise their more primal desires.
But the dom does exist out there, and he is more than ready to tame whatever woman is in need of taming. I have enjoyed in my life providing such excitement to many lovers, bored housewives, girlfriends, or inexperienced women. I consider it a service done to society. Women deserve sexual pleasure too, and I am quite happy to provide them with it. When the woman does finally come across a powerful dom, she is usually quite smitten. The mixture of pleasure and pain, of force and submission, is intoxicating for most women. The man who recognizes this, and knows how to tap into it, who has the skill to be a good and powerful lover, will enjoy some delightful, even profound experiences indeed. He will also show his women that there are parts of themselves that they never knew existed, parts that they fear, but desire as well. And his women will love him for this.
Spot on. I tend to phrase it as wanting a man who’s a gentleman out of bed – and a bastard in.
A manly job is good enough; fabulously wealthy is unnecessary and I actually find it a bit of a turn-off because it seems like a mask to me. Those men who are highly driven to make money seem to be running away from something in their hearts and have never had much appeal for me, in fantasy or otherwise. The feeling is mutual I’m sure!
When the woman does finally come across a powerful dom, she is usually quite smitten.
Benevolent dominance is key. When a man really cares about a woman but also she knows she can’t get away with bs or withholding, this is the kind of man for whom the only answer is “yes”. It’s a powerful thing for a woman to find a man she can’t refuse. I don’t think women really want to refuse; they want a man they can’t refuse!
The trick for a man in a marriage or LTR is not becoming beta-ised – isn’t that pretty much what Adam did? He went passive and did nothing when the serpent tempted Eve even though he was standing elbow to elbow with her. So a man has to remember to up the dominance when his woman is ovulating. It’s not a constant need unless one is psychotic, but it is an occasional need. And yes, older men are best – second that with all the enthusiasm I can muster.
Racer X said:
Thanks for the comment…I think what you said is quite true.
Nice insights. “Benevolent dominance” is a good way of expressing it.
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Hmmmm must read the book – (good post too).
Racer X said:
Yes, please read and tell us what you think! I have heard different opinions on the quality of the book (I think actually there is a series of three books).
Speaking of BDSM books – I recommend ‘Judgment’ by Denise Hall.
Racer X said:
Thanks, I will have to check that one out!
This is quite true for my husband. He may be a doting father and married man, but is definitely not “domesticated.” It’s quite ironic, my marriage to a man who isn’t fixed is what got me fixed. He knows how to take women for himself. Even after years of his constant straying, I still melt like butter in his hands.
Racer X said:
Yes, there are two types of men: those who are domesticated, and those who are not. Most men will end up being domesticated, and happily so. After all, this is necessary for the stability of society. Still, it is impossible to take a man who cannot be domesticated and try; you will only end up with misery. You can’t turn an outdoor cat into an indoor cat. Life is easier for both men and women when they understand and accept these things. The irony is that most women find the undomesticated man much more intriguing than the domesticated man, even though they will end up marrying the domesticated man, in order to better serve their own mutual interests. But the feral nature of life, of men and women remains underneath, and the pussy gets wet for the man who cannot be tamed…
I must have this man in my life. It could be my own man, this strong, intelligent, best friend of mine who I trust completely. He has gotten too complacent over the years. He may as well be a neutered tomcat now. He’s lazy, he’s lost his creativity. I don’t want housewifey sex. I want a man. I will give in return everything I’ve got to give. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me. No, no, he’s got it all wrong. Punishment when needed, immediate and fair. Rules must be set. Do I or can I even teach this?
Racer X said:
Thanks for the comment. Unfortunately dominance is not something that can be taught, a man either has it or does not. Most married men eventually become neutered. Your story is not an unfamiliar one though; i have heard this from many women over the years. Most women marry for convenience and security, and those are two things that the dominant man does not care about. And yet the dominant man is the man whose sperm they crave the most. So many, if not most women settle for security; while secretly craving a man of strength and power.
It is usually the man of strength and power, resistant to the shackles of marriage and convention, uncontrollable and dangerous, who knows best how to fuck a woman the way a woman needs to be fucked.
the overwhelming theme I find in this writing is a woman’s desire to be under the direction of a strong man. I remember sometime ago, I had an affair with a woman. She had a boyfriend that she loved very much, but every time we fuck, she tells me I have something she can’t resist. that I am a much bigger man then her boyfriend in every way and that I give her something he can’t and never will – her womanity.
we first started having mostly quick, discreet stolen sex, but the escapades we had got more kinky and elaborate. It got to the point where we would schedule nights to spend, with me telling her what to wear and what to do when I get to her place.
I gave her a routine. when I get to her place, she must be in a sexy dress, with a thong underneath, and no bras allowed. She must have dinner for us ready. she must greet with a kiss and then kneel to offer herself to me.
She wasn’t the hottest woman I had sex with, but she was the best. She knows how to move. Sometimes, I would fuck her up to four times a week, and cum inside her. Whether she was on her red days or she was on her fertile days. We had the raw animalistic sex. She didn’t care, I didn’t care. Her boyfriend was left with sloppy seconds trapped behind a condom, after I blow my load all over her – sometimes she would lick inside my foreskin after swallowing a huge load
Sometimes she bitches up, and I spank that delicious ass of her with my bare hands. then I fuck her afterwards.
Then of course, after six months or so, she became pregnant. Not to worry. her cuckold boyfriend is there. A month after she gave birth she came back to me one last time. made it as good as I can but that was good bye.