The more I explore the world of sexuality, the more I ask myself the question, what constitutes a healthy sexuality? I suppose that is up to each individual to decide. Since this blog deals with a lot of spiritual and sexual question, it must be pointed out that according to traditional teachings in Christianity, healthy sexuality is expressed only within the context of marriage. Anything outside of the marital state is considered wrong and sinful. And yet very few who call themselves Christians actually practice this. I do not say this as an indictment against those people, but rather as a statement of fact. I often think traditional Christian teachings on sexuality are perhaps the greatest stumbling block for faith in our time today. I think the disconnect between these two things, the ideals of a religious faith and the actual practice of most its adherents, is a fundamentally unhealthy thing.
What I try to support and advocate on this blog is a healthy sexuality. People say that because something has been taught for two millennia this proves the truth of the teaching. I say, no, that is not the case, when it comes to area of biology, and sexuality is a part of biology, we need to reevaluate the traditional teachings of Christianity in light of what we now understand of the human brain and body, and how simple biology contributes to much of human sexuality. Throughout all of Christian history, things such as masturbation, or an enjoyment of erotica, have been considered grave sins. And yet as we can see today, these practices are widespread, even among the faithful. They have always existed, and likewise condemned, often as spiritual evils and as a result lived an underground and shameful existence before the era of modern communications allowed people to admit they do indeed engage in these practices.
I wonder why there is still such a prohibition within so many religious faiths against masturbation or an enjoyment of erotica? This is not merely a Catholic thing either. One girl’s blog, for instance, details her struggles with this behavior. She tortures herself with each sexual thought, each need for some sort of sexual release. Women in particular are often shamed for being sexual or desiring some sort of sexual outlet, especially through masturbation. Is it not better to simply enjoy some sexual release rather than torturing yourself resisting the urge? Is it not better to masturbate rather than seek out prostitutes? Is it not better to fantasize about others rather than to use others for your sexual enjoyment, regardless of the consequences? To me it seems masturbation is the best and most healthy way to enjoy some sexual release and pleasure when you are not with another person. It is not a substitute for a relationship, it can never be that, but as a simple pleasure I see nothing wrong with it.
Erotica and porn are bit more complex, since often porn involves others, whose motives for making porn may not be very good or healthy. In general, I think it is a bad thing to profit off the misery of others. Porn too often has this element to it. Furthermore, as I have often said on this blog, I find most porn to be rather ugly and tasteless. Too many models look worn out, the situations contrived, the sex unnatural and artificial. I don’t find endless close up shots of a penis pounding a vagina enticing or beautiful. And yet there is good porn or erotica out there too. What I like are seeing beautiful people having beautiful, natural looking yet still incredibly hot sex. I like to see pretty girls getting fucked who love to get fuck and enjoy exhibiting that to the world. But I need to see the whole body and her face in particular. I love to see a woman experience sexual pleasure. There is something so hot about that. I also enjoy reading and writing erotic things. And, perhaps most importantly, we should always understand that most erotica is for the most part fantasy, an entertainment and escape of pure pleasure for the sake of pleasure. So long as we always recognize the difference between reality and fantasy, why is that so evil?
A deep and powerful sexuality and sensuality does not necessarily mean acting out on that at all times. There are times when we may be alone, or single, or unable to be with another person. This does not diminish our sexual needs though. As I stated above, Christian teaching say that all sexuality must be within the context of marriage. And yet this is not realistic for many people. Not everyone is married. So what do they do? Are they to simply suppress all sexual desires until their wedding night, if that ever comes? How can it be a sin if they seek out some sort of stimulation? It seems only a healthy and natural thing to want some experience of pleasure, as well as some sexual release. A person, whether male or female, can be deeply sexual, and deeply spiritual, without devolving into self destructive, unhealthy or addictive behaviors. For those who are single, and yet spiritual or religious, and who desire to live within some sort of religious framework, there is a sort of sexual chastity, if you like. The key is that each individual must figure these things out for themselves, through trial and error, through experience and reflection, fully understanding all the while that they may never come to a clear and concrete understanding of the complicated world of sexual desires and practices, and that this is perfectly fine, that God understands.