I was in Church today. I usually go early in the morning on Sundays, but today I went a bit later, when it is more crowded and the crowd tends to be a bit younger.
What I saw was quite pleasant. There were many pretty girls there. Most were dressed in a way that was not overly sexual, just your basic jeans, sweaters, etc. A few had on shorter skirts, shorts, or tighter fitting shirts. However they were dressed, I enjoyed the vision of these various girls in the pews. The fact that they were in Church showed that they had some sense of spirituality about them, which is something I find attractive, seeing that is an important thing for my own life. I like seeing and meeting girls who are the same. I find a deep spirituality often goes hand in hand with a deep eroticism. I find the photo above combines a sort of spirituality and eroticism, as well as a bit of mystery and intense beauty. I love seeing images of feminine beauty such as this one. In its own strange way it seems almost modest, as if the woman is a bit ashamed to be viewing her pudenda, so she does not open her eyes. It is an alluring photo. It reminds me of how I have known many woman who were shy and self conscious about their own bodies when we first made love, only to become more comfortable once they began to enjoy their sexuality and the pleasure of sex.
As I was noticing the different dressed females, I was thinking how much more attractive a girl is when she leaves more to the imagination. Eroticism is often enhanced through restraint. The mind is our most potent sex organ. I always preferred a girl who dressed a bit more modestly, than one who dressed like a stripper. There is a certain kind of beauty in modesty. Modesty speaks of the allure and intrigue of sexual desire, the what if lying beneath the layers of clothing. For me, the ideal girl is someone who is a bit more modest in public, but a complete freak in bed. When a girl exposes too much in public, less is left to wonder about, since you can probably assume she is quite sexual (and there is nothing wrong with that, and that can be attractive in its own right); but when a girl dresses more modestly, you can wonder in a deeper way what she is like in other ways. Is she sexual beneath those more modest clothes? What is she wearing beneath them? Does she masturbate? Or maybe her modest clothes reflect a lack of sexuality? You just never know with such girls until you get to know them.
Often there are discussions on different religious blogs about how a woman should dress in public. Modesty is always praised as a virtue, but often it can lead to frumpiness and a deficit of beauty. I sometimes even sense some hostility among women to those who dress well. Sometimes I notice different people arguing with each other over who is more modest, and therefore better, more virtuous, and what women should not be wearing (I am waiting for the neo-Traditionalist crowd over at Alte’s blog http://traditionalchristianity.wordpress.com/ to start wearing burkas in an attempt to outdo each other in virtue). They often say they do not want to be a cause of temptation to their male brethren in church. I can understand that, but still, I enjoy seeing feminine beauty, and I particularly enjoy seeing it at Church. For instance, today one girl was sitting to my right, and she was wearing a nicely fitting shirt and jeans. She had an air of sensuality about her. Her hair was long and flowing, thick with curls. She was quite attractive. Another girl was sitting to my left, and she seemed a bit more conservative. Her shirt was not as tight, and although she too had nice long and sumptuous hair, I did not sense the same air of sexuality about her. A few pews up a girl was wearing a very short skirt, almost half way up her thighs, but her legs were quite lovely to see. A little near her was another girl who was wearing a pair of orange shorts, nothing too extreme, but short and complimenting well her butt. It was hard for me not to check them out during the Mass. I checked out the one girl in the orange shorts on my way to communion. I will probably go to hell for that one. It was hard to resist. I was surrounded by many beauties today.
Of course my mind can be downright filthy too. I was having many impure thoughts about these girls. As a matter of fact, I often think about sex at Church, regardless of who is there. In the end I am truly a hopeless case! Oh well…
I like experiencing beauty in different setting, including those where feminine beauty might not as acceptable or understood, such as a Church. I don’t like the idea of women covering their heads in Church. I know many think this is a proper thing to do, but I like seeing a girl’s hair. It is not necessarily a source of evil temptation and lust, nor is it a distraction from my worship of God, but rather, it is something pleasant to see, to enjoy visually, to remind myself of the beauty of God’s creation all around us. And that beauty is all around us, including religious settings, where the mixing of the earthly and spiritual can be a powerful type of otherworldly experience as well.
CL said:
Did you see my post on modesty at TC?
http://traditionalchristianity.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/the-middle-way-for-women/
I also have a post on my blog today on the erotic life that you might find interesting. I think you should give some thought to the difference between desire and arousal, and lust. There’s really nothing wrong with desire and arousal – perfectly normal and not something you can even control – but lust, the desire to use another for one’s own gratification, is another matter. This difference has been made clearer to me lately and it seems such a simple thing, yet in our culture we seem to be afraid of healthy sexuality, which winds up causing a lot of unhealthy expression of our innate sexuality.
I don’t think you are hopeless. You seem a bit stuck, that’s all. You tend to dwell on the beauty that you see to the point of obsessing over the parts, forgetting the whole person, and then ending up back in lust-land. You won’t go to hell for noticing someone attractive and leaving it at that. Even some lustful thoughts I don’t think are a huge deal; it’s the deliberate cultivation of this way of looking at people that is the problem.
Now behave yourself on my blog or I’ll have to let out the hounds.
7man said:
CL’s post received a huge number of comments. The change in feelings of the other women was amazing to see. As Billy Joel sang “She’s Got a Way About Her.”
Racer X said:
CL (or the artist formerly known as Thag Jones)…
Yeah, I saw that post on Alte’s. I did not read through all the comments though, since there was so many. But I enjoyed reading what you had to say. I also read your present post on flirting and it made a lot of sense. I think we are always striving for some sort of balance in our sexual lives and selves, but I am always amused by those who think that dressing without covering your whole body up or flirting with the opposite sex is an occasion for sin. I think that attitude is more an occasion for neurotic thoughts and hypocritical behaviors.
“yet in our culture we seem to be afraid of healthy sexuality, which winds up causing a lot of unhealthy expression of our innate sexuality. ”
Agreed.
“Now behave yourself on my blog”
You know that is just an invitation for me to misbehave, which I will accordingly do.
7man,
Yeah…that were quite a few comments. She stirred up quite a beehive there…
Rebekah said:
Maybe I’m missing something, but you seem to give conflicting ideas of what you find attractive in women – no judgement, it is your blog and you are free to change your mind and write freely, but I’m confused. On one hand, you say LOVE sluts; on the other you say you love demure, spiritual women. I’m curious, which is it?
Rebekah said:
I suppose somewhere on earth there could be a really slutty woman who picks herself out of bed early every Sunday morning to earnestly pray at Mass, but somehow I doubt it?
Racer X said:
Rebekah,
Thanks for the comment. Let me try to explain what I am getting at here, if I can. First, erotic desires are not meant to be logical. On a most visceral level, deep in our primitive brains, all men love sluts. We love sluts because sluts mean easy sex. We love sluts the way a bear loves scrounging around a garbage site for easy food. Like any predator, we will always take the path of least resistance to get what we want. And sex for men is a predatory game: we are hunters and women are the objects of our desires. Plus a slut is more fun in bed than a frigid prude. Bad sex can kill a relationship as quick as anything.
On a deeper level, what is most desirable, at least for me, is a girl who is not necessarily having sex with a lot of people, but who has a high sex drive, loves sex, and is relaxed, open and comfortable in bed, someone who is perhaps a closet freak sexually. But she is a closet freak with you, and no one else. When she is in public she seems demure and nice and all that, restrained and modest, but she is something else behind closed doors.
Yes, girls do exist who go to Mass on Sundays and who are very sexual. I know because I have been lovers with girls like that. I remember one girl in particular who was extremely orthodox religiously, she went to Mass every day, and yet when we started making out, she quickly turned into something sexual. It was quite surprising for me, but pleasantly so. She was quite aggressive in her sexuality, once she became aroused, which was pretty quickly. So most of the people going to Church on any given Sunday are far from perfect, but, like me, they simply need some sort of spiritual and religious experience.
My own experiences in the hidden and contradictory world of Christian sexuality is one of the motives for me writing this blog. To many people, Christian sexuality seems hypocritical, and it is for those who proclaim one thing in public and then do another in private, and that is where public scandal comes in, but for me is a question of what is healthy and normal sexuality and not trying to repress that or cover it up with idealistic platitudes, such as buying your girlfriend flowers to try and stop the fact that you wake up every morning with a hard on, etc. My attitude is just masturbate and get it out of your system and enjoy some sexual fantasies about her at the same time, if your not sexually active with her.
And as I said in the beginning, sexual desires are not mean to be logical. I would go further and say it is the irrationality of sexual desire which often makes it exciting and interesting.
Rebekah said:
I agree that there are girls with an intense sexual nature who attend church regularly; however, I don’t think there are many sluts who do, when defining a slut the way you have here and the way the term is most commonly used in our vernacular.
I can understand that you appreciate sluts for the access, but sometimes it sounds like you prefer this type of woman more than one who shares your spiritual beliefs. Maybe you are just searching for a balance and it comes out in your writing.
Abstinence doesn’t equate frigidness (as also laid out clearly in your posts) – there are women who are equally as passionate about all matters as they are the spiritual. I often think those who abstain exude a distinct sensuality that those commonly engaging in sex cannot – all of the energy continues to recycle and reflect in certain types of even the most benign behavior.
A woman who is modest does not engage in casual sex, or explicitly display her sexuality, because it simply does not turn her on. She wants to be seduced by a worthy mate and begin relinquishing parts are herself then.
This is where I begin to agree with “Game” when using it to procure and keep a good relationship.
Racer X said:
Thanks for the comment. You make a lot of good points, especially the part about seeking out a balance in all these things. That is definitely true for me. It is an ongoing thing and sometimes I tend towards one direction and then the other.
Still, I like a girl who is modest in public but a “slut” in bed. By that I mean a girl who loves sex and sexual pleasure as much as I do, or at least something similar. But she could be completely chaste and still be highly sexual, as you point out above. Being both highly sexual and spiritual can be a delicate balancing act.