A book was written on this topic a while ago. What does this mean? I really don’t know, since it was written for priests. However, I have often thought of this recently, in my own journey over the past year or so.
As I have often written on here, and as it is quite obvious from my occasional erotic posts, I am a very sexual person. By that I mean I have a huge sex drive. In the past I would act on this sex drive whenever the urge came, especially when it came to bedding various women, but often I found that the results of this acting were less than desirable. Sex is often better in the fantasy state than in the actual state, depending on the circumstances. Reality often does not mesh with fantasy.
What is it about a lot of sex outside of a relationship that has little meaning? Emptiness? Desire for more? Always wanting something that is not quite attainable? Being enslaved to one’s passions and desires without any control or reason? It is hard to say; but when I first started this blog I wrote often about the thrills of lots of sex with lots of beautiful women. The allure of that is still there. But something has changed, at least for me, and that something is a deeper appreciation of the sacredness or specialness of sexuality.
It has been a while since I have slept with anyone. How long I choose not to say, but let’s just say it has been a while.
What I have found is greater happiness, peace and comfort. Celibacy, or chastity, is not so hard, especially as you get older. Once your body gets used to life without sex, it really does get used to it. Intimacy is of course another issue, but intimacy can be found in other ways than by having sex. As a matter of fact, casual and promiscuous sex are really forms of false intimacy.
The one vice I continue to deal with is my attraction for erotic things, but I find that is becoming easier too. If I say to myself, “Well, I will not masturbate today, or I will not look at porn today,” then I find that an easier goal than saying, “I will never do or look at these things again,” only to fall into despair when I eventually give in to some temptation. I have to take things day by day. But even in this area, I find I am happier, and feel healthier when I stay away from these things. Putting certain images into your mind can eventually become destructive. If you refrain from something one day at a time, after a while it becomes easier to refrain from those things more permanently.
I am not sure how that will effect this blog though. There is part of me that enjoys writing erotic things, but I know that is problematic. Beautiful things allure me, and that of course includes beautiful women. Often I feel writing about these things, or some of the images I post on here, are a bit too contradictory to my deeper beliefs, especially my religious beliefs. As of yet, I am not quite sure in what direction to go on these matters. Although I try to write a lot of these posts with some humor and light heartedness, I hate to think I am somehow spreading something that is not good by some of my postings.
So I guess right now I would consider myself a sort of sexual celibate. Celibacy does not deny the existence of sex; it only puts it into a different perspective, one that I have found recently is a healthier one than giving in to every urge. I can feel quite confident about not sleeping with random people at this point; the other issues, like masturbation or looking at erotic things, I am still dealing with on a daily basis. Still, I know more deeply now that being in relationship with another person, and the sexual expression of that, is far better than a jerking off to porn, or whatever other types of release’s are out there. Some people have argued that masturbation is really worse than premarital sex, because at least in premarital sex you are dealing with another person. Although I can see the merits of this, I don’t quite agree with the entire thesis, since you also have the potential of doing more harm to someone through premarital sex than you do with masturbation.
Of course for me I cannot do any of these things ultimately without God’s help or grace, and the longer I go the more and more I realize this, but that is for another post, except to say that, the deeper my prayer life becomes, the more incredibly powerful thing I find prayer to be. It beats sex (although sex is a close second…).