Ingrid Bergman, classy beauty from a long lost age.

There are a myriad of sex blogs out there, both by men and  women. Now, I admit, viewing someone’s sex blog can be interesting and enticing. I wonder what the woman looks like, who she is, what she is going to write. There are a few good ones out there. Some of the women are quite attractive and even hot. Some of the photos they post are very erotic and well done, even artistic. Their personal stories can be very interesting. But what I have discovered is just how many bad ones there are out there, and by bad I mean this: the men and women seem little more than extreme examples of the worst forms of narcissism, self delusion, and an overall lack of self worth.

I don’t know what the statistics are, so I have no way of verifying this, but it seems to me that a great many sex blogs are being written by women in their thirties and forties who are hitting or who have already hit the wall. Or they are written by men trying to prove they are still virile chick magnets. They post photos of themselves, and the most of the photos are, well, a little repulsive. I suppose a middle age man or woman with an overweight body can post a picture of themselves and imagine that they are still attractive compared to their younger, more supple fellow bloggers, but the reality of what most people find beautiful or attractive is rather different. It is a hard, cold reality, but one that people who post photos of themselves in public need to understand.

Somehow, when I see all these bloggers posting photos of themselves, I feel depressed. I am not sure why, but I think it is because, well, it just seems all so sad. Are we so in need of personal validation that we would post naked photos of ourselves for millions of strangers to view? Are we so lonely and isolated in our fragmented society that we need to expose our naked bodies for the rest of the world to see and comment upon? I consider writing different, because writing is a mental form of sharing, and that is a natural human condition and there is also a natural barrier between the writer and the reader; but posting photos of yourself, your body, or close up shots of your body, seems so desperate. I sense a lot of sad men and women out there, lonely and sad and in need of some sort of self esteem boost.

Sometimes I see these photos, and most are, well, just gross. A close up shot of an overweight woman’s vagina is simply gross. Sorry. A naked picture of an overweight middle age couple is just gross. A man posting a photo of his strange looking penis is weird. Beauty has certain demands, and the erotic arts are unforgiving in those demands. You must meet certain criteria for others, especially those who are complete strangers, to find you attractive (as several studies have more than once demonstrated: youthfulness, face proportionality, healthy hair and skin, a good body weight and mass combination, etc.). If you don’t, posting images of yourself online seems like a desperate act of attention. It also opens yourself up to the harsh criticism of others, such as myself. When you reach a certain age, you should no longer be showing naked pictures of yourself to anyone, least alone the whole world. I suppose there are those out there with fatty and granny fetishes, but then again there are a lot of weird people out there in the world, such as coprophiliacs.

Now for those who read this blog, you know I enjoy engaging in my own racy material here, and I do enjoy good, and I mean good, erotic art and erotica, but seeing these blogs makes me long even more for a world where class and restraint are accepted, even celebrated, again as a certain norm. An older woman can be quite beautiful. An older man can be handsome in a dignified way. But older people posting naked photos of themselves seem like sad specimens of aging baby boomers trying to cling to a youth they have long since lost. More and more I deepen my appreciation for a society where the public realm is infused by greater demands on personal standards, higher standards than we have now in our society. People did used to dress well in public: just look at any photo of New York from the pre-1960’s, or any sport event from that era. For the most part the men are dressed well, often wearing coats and ties, and the women look nice in their dresses. Now we have people who walk around in public showing their half naked bodies, many of which are repulsive, and this is considered the norm. People posting naked photos of themselves in public is an extreme example of the lack of these long lost ethics.

It also makes me appreciate the different great religions of the world that say that we are made up of more than simply flesh, that we have souls, and our body and souls are intricately bound together, and that we need to conduct ourselves accordingly, with dignity and self respect. Our bodies will age and become decrepit, no matter what. We all face that. But our souls can only get better with time, if we chose the right path. And the best beauty for people growing older is a good combination of body and soul and not a desperate need to flash one’s aging body parts to the rest of the world so you can feel good about yourself. There are many older people who are quite beautiful, but they are beautiful because of something within them, not because they continue to cling to a long lost desire for youthful beauty. Beauty is more than about how we look, it is also about how we act, how we carry ourselves, how we think, the nature of our souls within us; it born from the love we have for ourselves, for others, for God.  And anyone can possess that type of beauty, even if they were not blessed with the physical beauty.