In this age of internet warriors, MRA advocates, PUA keyboard Don Juans and the overall decline of masculinity, it is good to look at some former examples of what might be considered top Alphas. Too many men today fall into the trap of a hypermasculinity, a rejection of anything that is cultured or refined as supposed examples of a creeping femininity into the masculine. An educated, well dressed man is often now considered gay. And too many men who are educated or have some verbal ability beyond being able to order a beer at a biker bar tend to become too whiny, metrosexual or overly sensitive, testosterone lacking hipsters. Rarely today do we find in popular culture or even in the real world examples of men who are well dressed, well educated, well spoken and classy, men who are unabashedly civilized with a depth of character, but also tough, ruthless, aggressive and masculine in their own ways.

In his day the chicks dug him.

Cary Grant is an example of an older, bygone way, but a way I hold in high regards. I once read a post on a now long defunct blog that described him as a good example of “quiet confidence”. I remember the number of women who wrote comments on that post saying how much they loved that kind of character in a man. The characters he portrayed were sophisticated, intelligent, well educated, yet tough, virile, and quite appealing to the ladies. In his personal life he was a well known womanizer and had many love affairs with some of the most beautiful women in the world. His characters on screen often displayed the same characteristics. What is important about anything in popular culture, such as film stars, are that they portray and reflect what is going on in the culture around them. Men like Cary Grant reflected a type of restrained, cultured, sophisticated yet tough masculinity that is too often rare today. There was depth to his characters, an understanding of life and people, but also a dark edge, a controlled intensity and even violence. It was not the chest thumping, over compensating masculinity we see too often today, a chest thumping by too many men which is brought about by a sense of loss of masculinity, but rather a type of quiet confidence, a quiet yet iron strength that woman swoon for, a strength that was both mental as well as physical, even spiritual.

I love the world that is portrayed in many of the silver screen classics. Men like Grant were the great examples of this world. It was a world of eroticism and sexuality, but an eroticism that was more restrained than that of today, an eroticism that was suggested and hinted at rather than openly displayed as so much of eroticism is today. Then again, I find most modern examples of the erotic not erotic at all, but rather cheap attempts by the porn industry to make money. Double penetration is really not all that attractive to see. The underlying sexuality between Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Notorious, for instance, are far more powerful than anything most modern movies can produce today. There was never any skin; just the suggestion, innuendo, and the appeal to the imagination. Grant was refined yet tough and exuded a powerful sexuality that would put to shame most of the practitioners of PUA today. In his movies he understands women, but he does not whine about them, rather, he conquers them, and loves them. If the woman is too much of a problem, then he simply leaves her. Women loved him. Mystery, with his painted fingernails and floppy hats, is rather pathetic compared to a man like Grant.

Many of the whiny office nerds in the MRA/PUA fantasy world would do well to study a man like Grant.