So despite my frequent lust filled posts about having sex with as many women as possible, it must be said that I am not a purely carnal creature. The spiritual life is an important part of my being as well. One of the great chasms in my life has been the tension between spirituality and sexuality. Or rather, how does sex and eroticism meld with spirituality. As a deeply sexual person, I find many religions have strict prohibitions against sexual expression, some more extreme than others. For instance, the Catholic Church states fairly emphatically that any sexual act outside of marriage (and even there you must always be open to procreation) is a sin. Even touching and deriving sexual pleasure from yourself is a grave sin, with the possibility of spending eternal life in hell as a punishment. So does that mean if I have been leading a completely celibate life, but find myself one night sleeping and I have a hard on and I feel pleasure from that that I am condemned to the flames of hell for all eternity unless I repent? I find it necessary to believe in God, yet I also find many of the constrictions that religions impose rather difficult to comprehend and follow.
What I have found is that eros, as a form of love, is a powerful force in our lives. What is love, after all? It can come in many forms and in many ways. Erotic love is powerful and as I am sure most people would agree, the best sex is that involving intense love. Sort of like the mind fuck I mentioned in the last post, if you love someone for a long time before ever having sex with them, the buildup and the internal erotic charge are powerful forces when the sex does come. I once knew a girl for almost a year before we eventually had sex. We had both loved each other for a long time before we slept together and the sex was all the more intense because of that. It was more than simply a physical act; rather, it touched the spiritual and transcendent. The long, slow buildup, the months of intrigue and wondering, the mutual tensions of attraction and desire, mixed together in a fiery potion of lust, love and passion when we finally slept together. Some girls you just fuck; others you make love with. The latter is rarer but more powerful and time is needed to reach an elevated state of sexual desire and fulfillment. And it is, in the end, a spiritual as well as physical thing.
I should mirror this post with my own spiritual sexual experiences. They were pretty amazing. And I’m not a believer of any specific religion, but there is something EXTREMELY spiritual about joining someone in the bedroom.
You’re back on the track of the flirt, the courtship, the dance before the sex. It is very important to have everything. The build up is more important than the sex. I also think that’s what differentiates between prostitutes and lovers but also Cheating on someone and just “sex” with someone.
i attended a philosophy of sexuality lecture with this basic thesis: about sex being a medium for spiritual transcendence. a spectrum of fucking to making love, and the possibility of making a virtue, or techne, out of sex. i emphatically agreed with it. it really can be a meditational experience.
Racer X said:
Cande…I agree that the buildup in often more important than the sex. In my experience a long build up leads to the best sex. Casual encounters are fun too, but the the flirting, courtship and dance, that long buildup, always makes sex better.
Sophia…A philosophy of sexuality lecture sounds interesting. We both seem to have an intellectual, sensual and spiritual appreciation of sexuality. I think all three is needed for the best sex too, sort of like the long buildup thing.
Love this post, and once again, I agree. A build up is the difference between a love affair and something just in passing. Making love is reserved for the special connects, the higher, more multi-layered connects….dare I say a type of “soul mate”…?
Racer X said:
Anoukange,…no doubt making love is reserved for those special, more intense, deeper connections, the ones that linger and last in your mind and heart for years, decades, even your entire life. The best lovers for me were always the ones with whom I had a deep mental, physical and spiritual connection. They are the rarest, and best, relationships. They are rare and hard to come across, but usually well worth the wait and effort. Your life is never the same afterward.