So despite my frequent lust filled posts about having sex with as many women as possible, it must be said that I am not a purely carnal creature. The spiritual life is an important part of my being as well. One of the great chasms in my life has been the tension between spirituality and sexuality. Or rather, how does sex and eroticism meld with spirituality. As a deeply sexual person, I find many religions have strict prohibitions against sexual expression, some more extreme than others. For instance, the Catholic Church states fairly emphatically that any sexual act outside of marriage (and even there you must always be open to procreation) is a sin. Even touching and deriving sexual pleasure from yourself is a grave sin, with the possibility of spending eternal life in hell as a punishment. So does that mean if I have been leading a completely celibate life, but find myself one night sleeping and I have a hard on and I feel pleasure from that that I am condemned to the flames of hell for all eternity unless I repent? I find it necessary to believe in God, yet I also find many of the constrictions that religions impose rather difficult to comprehend and follow.
What I have found is that eros, as a form of love, is a powerful force in our lives. What is love, after all? It can come in many forms and in many ways. Erotic love is powerful and as I am sure most people would agree, the best sex is that involving intense love. Sort of like the mind fuck I mentioned in the last post, if you love someone for a long time before ever having sex with them, the buildup and the internal erotic charge are powerful forces when the sex does come. I once knew a girl for almost a year before we eventually had sex. We had both loved each other for a long time before we slept together and the sex was all the more intense because of that. It was more than simply a physical act; rather, it touched the spiritual and transcendent. The long, slow buildup, the months of intrigue and wondering, the mutual tensions of attraction and desire, mixed together in a fiery potion of lust, love and passion when we finally slept together. Some girls you just fuck; others you make love with. The latter is rarer but more powerful and time is needed to reach an elevated state of sexual desire and fulfillment. And it is, in the end, a spiritual as well as physical thing.